The Way You Change the World/ Learn to Follow the Lord and Complete Your Earthly Mission

This post is dedicated to my Mia maid class and especially Lacy Reese Sims for reminding me of an important part of the journey I took in coming to my career in Seminary and Institutes.

The Way You Change the World/Learn to Follow the Lord and Complete Your Earthly Mission

I believe that every person that comes to earth comes to earth with a specific mission to accomplish. I believe that these missions are as varied as the people who come to earth as well. I am not alone in this thought. This is a common teaching of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The belief specifically is that we lived before we came to earth and that we have come here having forgotten that part of our existence to be tested and proved faithful to God and our missions. I believe part of that mission for me was the time I spent in teaching the gospel as a full-time seminary teacher and I would like to share with you some of the important events that confirmed that belief to me. I share this in hopes that you will find comfort when your journey and mission takes you to places you never imagined and perhaps even overwhelms you. I know that God lives and through Christ’s Atonement we can gain all the strength to accept the responsibilities that come to us in this life and have the power to accomplish all we have promised our Father in Heaven we would do.

While I was young I was often afraid. I was afraid of the dark, making mistakes, being too far away from my home and family, and loads of other things. Fear was and always is the antithesis of faith and every spiritual experience I had happened when I chose to challenge my fears and inadequacies. One of the biggest steps I took was going on a mission and then furthering my education. Both of those experiences helped to strengthen my faith and encourage me. Part of exercising of our faith takes us living the life God wants for us. I knew that I was doing that when I was going to school, but I didn’t know what to do when I finished.

As mentioned in a previous post, A Road less traveled/ My experience in coming to teach LDS Seminary full-time. I felt I was guided by the Lord to go home. Little did I know the experiences that were waiting for me. I say waiting because I believe this was an important part of preparing for my mission, a divinely appointed opportunity. Upon returning home I was immediately called to serve with the young women in my home ward. I was a little nervous and hesitant. I felt bad about my teen years because I hadn’t always lived in a way I felt was right. I was such a fearful youth that it kept me from doing even good things that I knew would help others. However, I felt the call was inspired and I accepted it. It brought so much healing to my heart. It was like I was given a second chance to help those who were important to me and who had helped me so much as a youth.

Mia maids, for all of you who don’t know, are 14 and 15 year-old teenage girls. I remember that time in my life as probably the most awkward and hard, and that was the age group I was called to serve with. Seeing that age through the eyes of the leader was incredibly healing. All I wanted was to help them see what mattered most and to cheer them along. I loved serving with Sheri. She was awesome and was the presidency member that I served as a partner teacher with. She was a woman of faith and great integrity. After all, that age was hard enough! I had never anticipated what good friends I would find in these young women and how much I would come to love them. To this day I consider them my friends and equals. They are so wonderful. I learned that people are part of our mission here in this life. They matter to God and he wants all of his children to remember who they are and how valuable they are to Him. I was given a chance to assist in this effort and I am so glad I went home so I could be a part of some amazing young women’s lives.

We are in Constant Preparation to Return to God

At that time something bigger was happening, which contemplating now I can see quite clearly. I have found that we are in a constant state of preparation. Each stage in our life prepares us for the next stage. God is gently leading us to be prepared to live with him again even when it doesn’t feel gentle. He is a gentle and loving God. I felt I was sent home out of punishment for not living the way I should have when I was younger. I recognized later it was my own lack of confidence that Satan used against me to intimidate me. What God was actually giving me was time to heal and to see more clearly my life, the lives that I was affecting, as well as the impact that can potentially happen for the world as the world accepts his gospel. I realized that while I strived to be obedient, perfectionism was what I was living because I needed to include the Lord in every aspect of my life. Trying to become perfected without Him is perfectionism and a behavioral based life perspective.

I began to heal from my perfectionist perspective as I taught the gospel. Since I was training to teach seminary and teaching the young women at the same time, it was easy to see how the curriculum was different. The lessons that the young women were learning were good ways to live, while in seminary they were learning about the foundational doctrine or reasons for why they should live the way they were living. I didn’t even realize that these different approaches were confusing for some young women and their leaders until my first year as a full-time seminary teacher. There was a young woman in my seminary class that affected me greatly. Since she doesn’t even know this I will withhold her name just so that I do not divulge anything she would be uncomfortable with. She raised questions for me that took me years to get to the bottom of and felt like I could be helpful in some way. Her question, “Why are women not as valued as the young men?” This young woman was the president of her Laurel class, she was an accomplished student and she was so wonderful in seminary. I quite simply was bothered by her question and it never quite left me even though she graduated and moved on with her life.

I wondered, how can she feel that the Church teaches that? Where did this thinking come from and why? What could I do to help her and all the others who felt similarly? Years passed and I was growing in my gospel knowledge and experience in teaching the youth. I found that my heaven sent friend who helped me ponder more deeply about the education of the young women in the Church was not alone in her thinking. It was at this time that I was also part of a BYU Stake which chose to really emphasize the Atonement. Every lesson we taught, every service we did, and every talk given was to tie back to the Atonement. We were to see how the Atonement was both giving us our power and direction. I was a part of this Stake for 3 years and I served in various positions that allowed me access to my leaders on a regular basis. It was in one of these moments that I saw my Stake President (someone who is called to preside over several wards) and while he trained he said something that became the next piece of the puzzle I was working on concerning the young women of the Church. My Stake President told us that we are losing many of the young women of the Church. I thought, Oh no. He then said that statistically we have never lost so many. I asked him after the meeting and he explained more to me about the issue. I was left with a determination to help in that dilemma.

 

God’s Ways are Higher Than Ours

I had no idea what I was going to do but I did have a desire to help and I was praying and seeking the Lord’s help always in my daily life. I also felt that I was undergoing a change of heart that was requiring  a new level of faith. I was being stripped of all my doubts and fears about my personally worthiness and learning how Christ was my Redeemer and Savior. This was a critical change that needed to take place and I found that although I was changing things in my small area of influence, namely my classroom, it didn’t feel like enough. At this time I felt that it was the Lord’s direction that I would continue my education.

I had known for some time that there was a Master’s program that involved the training of seminary teachers. This was a closed group and no other applicant would be admitted to the program. I felt that I wanted to make a difference and I knew I could if I had this particular education. I felt like I wanted to get as much education as possible, as I had been counseled by my patriarchal blessing.  No one had to tell me to go like when I obtained my undergraduate degree. My bishop had actually been the Lord’s instrument that got me on the path, but now I felt more of a solid footing in my faith and I could choose to go. When I prayed about the decision it felt right. I was in a serious relationship that wasn’t going anywhere for a while so I also felt comfortable that I wouldn’t be putting my dating life on the back burner by doing so.

It was quite a process to apply. I needed all the faith and strength I could get from the Lord’s Atonement to press through barriers that I never did well with… TESTS! I had been advised by the ACT board that perhaps college was not for me after scoring a very low score. Now the tests were harder and the stakes were larger. I had to take a GRE test and write essays and I felt the Lord help me through the whole process. I also was encouraged by the scriptures that ensured that if I would bring a weakness to the Lord he would make it a strength. Well, I was really getting in over my head because reading and writing were always a difficult part of my schooling and now I was applying for a degree that was reading and writing intensive. Luckily I had a lot of desire and drive to do something of value and that and the Lord carried me through the difficult times.

When the applications were in, I waited for a response but nothing came. A co-worker who had also applied got his acceptance letter into the program and could see my disappointment when I told him that I hadn’t heard back. He was disturbed enough by my sorrow that he called the Area Director who had recommended me for the program to find out what had happened. The Area Director called BYU since he had recommended me and was told that I had been accepted, but the letter must have been misdirected. I was so excited when my Area director called to let me know. My colleague, who I would spend the next 3 years of my life trying to keep up with, was also excited for me. To this day I am grateful for the priesthood holding men who handled my concerns with such tenderness and helped me when I was too distraught to do things myself.

I was interviewed by those who had admitted me into the program and I was told that I was the 2^nd woman to be admitted to this program. I felt keenly a responsibility to do whatever I could to further assist my sisters in the Church and world with whatever I was learning. The courses were so hard!! The work was demanding. I cried every day. I worked so hard and prayed even harder. I was diligent and dutiful doing everything that was asked of me. I literally had no other life than working and school. I literally worked twelve hour days only reserving Sunday as a time which I refrained from doing my work and I served in a calling then teaching the 5 year-old in primary. I tried to attend a few ward and family functions, but my life was now owned by BYU. I even quit EFY for the time I was getting my Master’s because I had literally no other time to devote to Church service. I remember reading more books in a week than I had my whole life. I wrote a lot and while my concepts were liked all my professors could see that my writing needed a lot of help. I am sure they even questioned how I got into the program. I even felt that some were bent on breaking me, and that was just the first semester.

I hadn’t been in the program long when I was trying to figure out what I would write my thesis on. I was a work driven, not brilliant, individual so I knew I would need to develop a good thesis.  I hadn’t put two and two together that I could do something for the young women. Thankfully, I had a professor that would later become my Area Director who believed that the young women’s curriculum could use some help and perhaps my research could benefit them. Wow, that was it! I could feel something. I started right away researching information, and I used every class to write a chapter of my thesis using different areas that each class focused on. All of the Professors started to rally around me and were SO HELPFUL in bringing about this great work. I started by doing a doctrinal analysis of the curriculum used by the young women program of the Church. It didn’t take long to see that it was not a doctrinally based curriculum. I also came to understand why my young friend who questioned her worth could have developed this thought. The lessons didn’t teach that, but the implications from a lack of doctrinal training for women in their vital roles didn’t help the misunderstanding.

Every normal method of researching was showing that I would need to go to the beginning of the Young Women’s curriculum to find out more about its’ history. At the time, the General Young Women’s Presidency were working on writing new curriculum and were not really interested in my research, but they were also not opposed to my efforts to research and write. One year would pass and the Church’s efforts to get a new curriculum to pass failed. There was also a change in the General Relief Society Presidency itself. It became necessary for me to work more directly with them. I was already accustomed to doing things a different way, and so I wasn’t too ruffled when some professors were worried that the research would not be welcomed. I found that there was a little bit of mistrust that needed to be overcome, but when the young women department looked at my thesis committee, who was Robert Millet, Brent Top, and Camille Fronk Olsen, a former General Board member their interest in my project became more substantial.

It was no small miracle that some of the busiest people at BYU, and who were also well known to the Church, had agreed to be on my thesis Committee. I even chose Robert Millet to led the charge. My Classmates thought I was crazy because they would be such academic excellence required of me. They thought I should pick someone that would be easier on me. I had learned long ago that it was the hard teachers that taught the most and I was not satisfied with less. Brother Millet was perfect for the assignment; I couldn’t even say I chose him. I felt the spirit direct me to him because he was motivated by his experiences as a Religious Educator and as a Leadership Roles in the Church that something needed to change in how the young women were being taught. He also felt that the young women of the Church needed to be more doctrinally prepared for their role in the world. I felt so blessed to have their backing. This made it much easier to get help. I also had some connections with the Church Curriculum Department; two of my former colleagues were now a part of that. Interviews with them also helped me get the direction I needed for my thesis. I knew these individuals were not in their position by accident, but rather by God’s grand design and my knowing them was part of His plan. The work of God is never frustrated. He sets up perfectly the outcome He desires, we only need the faith to trust it, and trust His timing.

It Takes People Inspired by God and Working for the Same Goal to Bring About Change and Miracles

Though I wasn’t very graceful about it, I got the 4 branches of the Church’s departments to work together. I had leaders from Seminary and Institutes backing me, I had the Church Curriculum Department helping, I had the best minds BYU had to offer helping, and I had the General Young Women department offering feedback and help. My thesis became the first known time that all of these departments were used together on the same goal. At least that is what I was told by my leaders in my employment. I knew them all and their noble intentions to help the young women, but they did not know each other. My work helped to open those doors. One day Ann Dibb, 2^nd Counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency, called me at work. Her question was that the seminary program had always seemed like their own organization that functioned independently of the “other church departments.” She didn’t know if it was possible to ask them for help. I told her confidently, since I knew of their honest intent, “Sister Dibb you can have whatever you ask for.” She thanked me and we ended our conversation. I was thinking to myself after, “Sister Dibb just called me?” I also had a great deal of opposition to deal with. Later, great changes came as the wall of CES came down and it was no longer viewed as a separate entity. They were unified with every other department. I could feel of the importance of the work and the hand of the Lord guiding me in this effort. Satan was also constantly fighting my efforts.

It seemed like every facet of my life was under attack. I was audited by the IRS twice, lost months of work from computer issues (I actually went through 4 hard drives during my thesis. I saw this as much more than back luck.) I broke up with my fiancé, had the home I was living in sold out from under us, and not to mention, troubles with friends and family. If there was a weak spot, it was hit. I was also having more trouble with my health. I was diagnosed with early stages of skin cancer, had my foot operated on, saw an acupuncturist every week for the stress and chronic illness I was battling. Then when things were improving, I was bit by a hobo spider 6 times on my ankle and had my education put in jeopardy. My short term memory was affected as well as my stamina. I had to learn new study methods which would take information I was learning and store it directly into long-term memory. I cut more of my extracurricular activities out. The one that hurt the most was HumorU, the stand-up comedy club that I had helped to set up at BYU. There were no other options. I had to concentrate all the available energy I had in completing my thesis. I felt God guide me through it all and give me whatever help I needed to succeed, including wonderful editors.

I was finding information that I hoped would be helpful, although I didn’t get as much encouragement from it in an earthly setting, I did get a lot of encouragement in a heavenly way. I had experiences with heaven and most are too scared to relate in this setting, but I will tell you this: The Lord was leading this work and I was given all the help I needed through priesthood blessings from my brother and cousin, and from an unlikely source my students were incredible. I was starting to recognize that I would break under the weight of opposition that I was feeling. I was climbing the ever so long staircase that led to my class feeling very weighed down. I was feeling sorrow for the loss of my dreams, then all of a sudden to my mind came these words, “Dare to do right, dare to be true. You have a work that no other can do.” This line from a simple primary song, Dare to do Right, became my anthem.

 Still I had to work under these conditions. I felt driven by the spirit to press forward at all hazards. No one but God knew exactly what I was going through. The weight of my daily responsibilities began to injure my health and I was being advised by competent medical professionals to abandon my cause or lose my health. Almost every day I was required to teach my seminary students and my primary class on Sunday. I felt inspired to share my burdens with some and it began to help. I told the Executive Secretary, (a man that makes appointments for the Bishop) that I didn’t think I would be able to accept the calling they were considering for me because of what I was doing in my thesis work. When the Bishopric learned of my struggle they checked up on me weekly to see if I needed anything. They were keenly aware that I had no priesthood holder in my home so they made sure I had access to any priesthood support that was needed. This added support and love made me feel so much better.

I also felt inspired to share with my seminary students my struggles and how I needed their patience, prayers and understanding. They did even better, they prayed for me and doors that were closed opened. WOW I NEEDED THEIR FAITH! Some of the young ladies in my class came to me and told me of their struggle with the Sunday lessons in young women’s and their hope that my project would be helpful brought them great peace. This was incredibly motivating to me. My primary class, with their pure and tender hearts, was rejuvenating to spend time with. I was able to get my thesis completed and I felt that feeling again that people matter, they are part of the mission. Including others in our struggle is an opportunity for them and for us to come closer to God. What a tender mercy of the Lord’s Atonement. The Lord does strengthen us through the kindness and faith of others. While it would have been much easier for me to get a little time off of work to work on my thesis, my Father in Heaven knew that it was in the His service that I would get all the strength I needed.

I presented my thesis to my committee and it passed with some minor revisions that needed to be made.  I handed my work over to the Young Women Department. Sister Cook had told me at one time that I had come into the kingdom for such a time as this. At this time she also said that while she didn’t know how I would be a part of the creation of new curriculum she assured me that I would be a part of it. I presented my thesis to a world-wide broadcast of CES teachers in a research forum, and bought a house.

You are Never Finished With Your “Mission” When You Finish A Project

My work with young women didn’t end there. I thought it ironic that the same position that I was being considered for in my previous ward was the first calling I had in my new ward. This emphasized for me that there was a time and season for everything. Next, and not a year later, I was called to serve as the Young Women President in this ward. I literally had a crisis of faith knowing that I would be asked to teach from the very manuals that I had come to know were insufficient for the needs of the young women. Lucky for me, I found an out in the counsel given in the curriculum: I could have material approved by my priesthood leaders to meet the needs of my class. I didn’t want to throw out the manual, in fact I used it for activities that we had during the week. I explained my concerns with my Bishop and he was quick to get the revelation that some of the less spiritual lessons were appropriate to move to a weekday activity and I was free to submit lessons that I would like to replace them. I worked an entire weekend on developing lessons on Faith, Repentance, and the Atonement as well as a few other gospel doctrines that would be submitted. He approved the lessons and now it was up to the teachers to pray and get their direction. It took some persuasion because it was not the normal way of dealing with things. Those who were working with the young women were incredible and I believe those young women were given the best the leaders had in faith, testimony, and teaching.

I was married when I served as the young women’s President and soon the ward would split.  I was now part of a new ward and away from the young women that I again saw as my friends. I then moved to South Jordan as was given a calling to help better prepare the youth that were leaving for college and missions. I was part of the first group of Sunday school teachers to teach the new curriculum that had been developed as I served in the Young Women Presidency. The New “Come Follow Me” curriculum made me cry tears of joy. It seemed to be exactly what I had imagined a perfect curriculum to be and even better! The updatable format using the technology of the computer hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was so excited and overcome that I emailed Sister Cook with my congratulations and thanks. She responded with joy and excitement and thanked me for my help. She readily recognized the contribution of so many others and the Lord.

I was so humbled to know that I had actually been helpful. During our Graduation Ceremony held in our college a year after I had graduated I felt confirmed to my heart that I had completed an assignment that I was sent on earth to do. I felt so thankful that the Lord helped through all the difficulty and that everything had transpired according to his grand design. I was just glad I could do my part. God really does use the weak and simple to do his work.

When I was called to serve in the Relief Society Presidency, I saw a visitor to the ward that I wanted to talk to. I had seen her a few times and recognized her as a sister to one of our ward members. I had also learned that she taught seminary. She was actually a Seminary Principal. I was able to talk to her in the hall for a minute and I told her that I had taught seminary too. We had fun chatting about our common service when she thought I looked really familiar. We had served in different areas so we knew we hadn’t seen each other in meetings. I then thought of everything I could in which we could have crossed paths. I told him that I had presented my thesis at a forum and her eyes began to light up. I told her the name of my thesis a, Doctrinal and Historical analysis of the Young Women Education in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints”. She said, “You are my Hero!” I share this only because I was completely surprised by it. She then explained that my work had become pivotal in the change of curriculum for “Come Follow Me.” I had known that my thesis was used to train the newly called Board members in the General Young Women’s Program, and that it was looked at by curriculum writers because Sister Cook told me of the training. My old roommate’s mother had been a writer on the committee and said that she had worked with my thesis. I had never known the significance, nor had time to think about it. I am grateful for our meeting, not because it is a great meeting to stroke my ego, but because it was a confirming witness that I had accomplished that work and that it helped. I knew that my work, as well as so many others helped the Lord in His work. I know that when we follow the spirit miracles happen, even if we not always entirely aware of the outcome. Following the spirit is our opportunity to work in the grace of the Lord, to live in the power of the Atonement; there is literally no better feeling.

I am thankful for a chance to record these feelings and events as my life has taken such a turn and I care full-time for my toddler and seek to help my family in whatever way I can. I want my children to know that they can do hard things, and that if they follow the Spirit’s direction they will be able to accomplish what they came to earth to do. I know that only God knows each of our missions and what we are to accomplish. I know that coming to know Him and feel Him directing our lives is the greatest experience of mortality. He has led me to wonderful people and friends who I will cherish forever. Thank you Lacy! Thank you for reminding me of that wonderful and sacred time of working in the Young Women’s group. I wanted you to know how important that was to me. It was the foundation for a work I didn’t even know I would do. Thank you to all my young women that I love and know I consider you dear friends forever.