The Most Important Decision I Ever Made/LDS Mission or Not
Christmas shopping is almost completed and I am gearing up for
another round of accomplishing all the wonderful traditions that we love to do
every year. I do have to admit that I was in a little bit of a funk yesterday.
I am starting to come out of it today. I am recognizing that I am experiencing
a rather mild case of mid-life-crisis. If you average out the ages of my
youngest and oldest grandparent at the time of their death then divide it in half
I am approximately that age now. You may wonder why I can even have the time to
think of such things. My whole life has been filled with a lot of time to
think. I had 20 years to think about being married before it ever happened, and
now I am home with my son and find that if I stop thinking too much my brain
turns into a sesame street rerun.
In all of this reflection I can look back at my life and feel a
sense of accomplishment so far. I have never been into wasting time and I have
tried to serve others. Those two aspects of my life have made for a life rich
with good memories. I am not saying this to toot my own horn or say, “hey look
at me and how awesome I am.” Everyone has a story and while their
experiences are different each life can teach us great things. I just felt like
I need to share mine, for whatever reason I just know I am suppose too. I am
actually glad I have a few more years to do a little better each day with.
Crisis over and here is my story.
I felt impressed today that the reason for those two skills (time
management and serving others) became a part of my identity was because I chose
to serve the Lord on an LDS full-time mission. My whole life changed for the
better with that one single choice. I want to take a minute to write my story
and thank those who helped me during such a pivotal time of life. I also
have seen so much change since the time I was preparing to serve that I felt I
needed to write this history before it disappears. I served before the “Raising
of the Bar” and “Age Change for Missionaries”. Not as important to
the world but more importantly to me... I also served before the sisters we able
to wear cute clothes.
- Preparation
for a Mission Happens Early
I was prepared for a mission long before I ever went. It is my
belief that I was prepared for it before I was ever born. This may not make too
much sense unless you believe that we lived with God before we came to this
earthly state. This truth, of living before we came to earth, is important to
how my story plays out.
When I was a child around 7 years old, I remember singing the
primary song We’ll Bring the World His Truth, more popularly known as the Army of Helaman, as part of the yearly primary program. That song, written by
Janice Kapp Perry in 1983, was part of a heavenly journey for me. I remember
singing the words with my whole heart and then it was as if the words echoed
back to my heart. The realization came within my heart that I would one day serve
a mission for the Lord. !) I was electrified with the thought. I felt the
spirit coarse within me so strongly that if any born again Christian would ask
me the question of when I was changed and accepted Christ as my Savior I would
have to answer with this moment. I definitely wanted to serve then and was
plenty courageous as a youth, but as I got older I also experienced that awful
feeling of terrible inadequacy and diminishing confidence.
Years later I was in a meeting where sister Kapp was the speaker.
I wept uncontrollably as I was touched again by the spirit of her music as the
youth sang that song. I was so overcome that even she could see me from the
stand. I saw the concern on her face so I explained that I hadn’t known it was
her that had written the songs that had so influenced me in the most
challenging transitions of my young life. I told her how thankful I was and what
I was able to accomplish because of the inspiration I received in singing her
songs. She said, “Then it was all worth it.” What a tender mercy
I started to believe my peers that would say, “Girls don’t serve
missions, only boys do.”
I did get another vote of confidence when I received my patriarchal
blessing at age 15. (A Patriarchal blessing is personal counsel given to
individuals through a Patriarch who hold the Melchizedek Priesthood. The
Priesthood holder acts as a voice for the Lord to the individual providing
counsel and promised blessings if one lives faithfully to the commandments.
Another reason for a patriarchal blessing is to declare the person’s lineage in
relation to the 12 tribes of Israel. This is both a spiritual and literal
linage either by blood or adoption). My older sister was contemplating getting
her blessing and I instantly felt in my heart that I needed to do that too.
Both my sister and I prepared to receive our blessing on the same
day. We drove to the Patriarch’s home after being recommended by the Bishop as
to our worthiness. I felt such a strong feeling of love and goodness during
that experience. Even though I was present for my sister’s blessing I remember
very little of what was said. I do remember how I felt. It was a moment of
Heaven touching the earth and more correctly my heart. After our blessings were
over the Patriarch looked at me very intensely, it was like he knew me better
than I did. He said, “Have you ever thought of serving a mission?” I think I
nodded, a little too shy to really say much.
He explained that while he had told both my sister and me
that missionary work
was important, he said that he felt the spirit
of missionary work very strongly with me. I was so greatly impressed by that
experience that I began to pray as my blessing had counseled me. I prayed that He would
prepare me for that assignment. I was interested in the blessing that was
attached to serving: I was told that IF I served, then… I would have much joy and satisfaction. Who doesn’t want
joy and satisfaction? An interesting thing to note is that my sister did not
serve a full-time mission, but she was called as a stake missionary when she
was newly married and served with her husband.
2.
Teenage Years Are a
Critical Time for Missionary Preparation
Years would pass and teenage life was not kind to me. I was
incredibly self conscious, overweight, unhealthy, I wore huge red glasses
(which someone told me was cool) and I had braces. I was constantly unimpressed
with rude classmates and the mistreatment of my friends. I was even more
unimpressed with those who were unkind to my friend in a wheel chair. Even
though I didn’t do the right things enough, I hadn’t lost all my
courage at that point in my life. I remember some young men not letting my
friend Shiloh, who was in a wheelchair, and me pass in the only hall she was
able to go down. I could take taunting if it was in my direction, but I just
couldn’t let this go with my friend. I was livid and at that time I think I
felt justified by righteous indignation for my next course of action. I looked
at the young man and said, “fine!” Then I told my friend to back up, this was
to give us a running start….
I stood behind my friend and pushed as she ran her electric
wheelchair as fast as she could right towards the young men that were blocking
us. We hit the first one pretty hard and he was disgusted with us. He
yelled, “What are you crazy?” I said, “Next time get out of the way!” (Of course I was not alone
in having difficult teenage years. I taught high school for 10 years, so I know that it is just
a hard time for everybody. Even while I was in High School I remember a popular
girl admitting to me that it was hard to always live up to other’s
expectations. What was happening to me is that I was being prepared with a
moral fiber. I was becoming me. That may sound like an odd statement, but
I believe we are more than just the mortal bodies that everyone sees. I know
that our spirits lived before and that is who we really are. I knew more fully
what was right and what was wrong and tried to do my best to live what was
right. I wrote my senior research paper on the disintegration of schooling that
occurred when prayer was removed. I could name many who lived the gospel better.
I was so impressed with classmates that had the courage to stand up for what
they believed when I found that a little more challenging.
3.
Hard Experiences And Loving
Leaders Help Us Find Our Way
Next, it was off to college, or for me it was like going to the
“High School on the Hill,” as some people called it. This school was more formally known as
Rick’s College and was only a few miles from my high school. This time of my
life had several experiences that helped me to know that a mission was the
right choice for me. I will seek to explain them to the best of my ability. My
first year at college was challenging, and it took me a little while become
settled. Not long before my 3rd term had ended, ran into Lisa Nelson, a classmate to whom I greatly
admired. I could tell she was a little down and I asked her what was wrong. She
explained that she hadn’t done well on a test. I remember responding, “Lisa, no one is going to put that on your tombstone. It is not
what you will be remembered for.” She brightened up a little and I went on my
way not knowing that was the last time I would see her in this life. Weeks
later she died in a car accident with two other of my classmates and her little
sister.
Their deaths were a great time of deep life questions for me. I
had looked up to those classmates so much. They were sweet and honest. I
learned even more about their goodness when I attended their funerals. It led
me to question why God would take them. They were so good and I hadn’t been
doing all the good they were doing. Why not me? I decided that it was
time for me to step up. If God was going to take them then someone needed to be
good like them to help those in need. I was going to be better. I learned that
Lisa was about to turn in her papers for a mission and that was a gentle
reminder for me what I already knew was important.
I had wonderful Bishops and leaders while I attended BYU. They
expressed confidence in me and gave me chances to serve and build my skills. I
also made more wonderful friends which were so instrumental in changing my
wrong attitudes. I had “much” I needed to understand and heal from at that time
and they were just who I needed. I cannot look on that as a thing of chance. I
know God brought them into my life and that my parents and grandparents prayed
them there. I remember a friend Katie bore her testimony every Fast Sunday
about her desire to serve as a missionary. I guess the Lord had other plans for
her because by the end of the semester she was engaged. Katie made me different
because of the spirit she carried with her and so willingly shared. She got
married and I served the mission.
Both of my parents were great at this time in my life too. I remember
my father specifically letting me take Conference weekend off so I could listen
to the speakers. It was such a revelatory time for me as I listened. I know
that he was directed by the spirit to let me stay home instead of work so I
could have that time when it is so easy for the Lord to speak through his
servants to us. I did also appreciate at that time being able to talk to my
mother about my concerns about serving a mission. She was so good at just
letting me decide and share every challenge I had.
4.
Missionary Preparation
Includes Temple Preparation
My brother had returned home from a mission and was soon to be
married and someone mentioned that I might be able to go to the temple to see
the marriage. I was only 19 at the time and it was uncommon to go to the temple
without preparing for mission or marriage for young women. I again felt like I
needed to go. I had a series of interviews, the normal Bishop and Stake
President worthiness interviews, but then something interesting happened on the
Stake level. One of the counselors to the Stake President was not in agreement
with me being allowed to go at such an early age. I was completely unaware of
that when he was asked to interview me. He did explain his bias and reasons. I really didn’t want
to do anything wrong, so I was willing to take the answer “no” if I needed to
wait. During the interview he actually left for a short time to pray and to get
personal revelation on the matter before proceeding in signing my recommend. I
felt that was very unusual and in all my interviews since, I have never had a
similar experience. I was certainly worried that I perhaps I wanted something to be wrong, but he came
back with the answer that I was young but it was right and my family would help
me.
I prepared as best as I could to enter the temple, and on April
15, 1995 I entered the Idaho Falls temple and left forever changed. It was a
marvelous experience. This experience again prepared me to accept a mission
call because it pointed my thoughts heavenward. My older sister went the week
before me and so she was able to be there when I went through. We would often
attend the temple together. We seemed to do a lot together. We even moved out
together and we were living in my Grandmother’s basement apartment while she
was on her mission.
This experience was still long before I would serve my mission in
January of 1997-July of 1998, but it was important. I remember sitting in a
devotional or a fireside at the college where they had all the returned missionaries
stand. I remember feeling that I wish I could be worthy like them and stand. I
say worthy because there is something that happens as a missionary that only
missionaries that serve understand. The sacrifice and service changes and
cleanses you. They felt more worthy of to me because their sacrifices had made
them closer to God.
5.
The Day Of
Decision/Listening to the Spirit of God
The last experience that really led to the ultimate decision that
I would go was actually quite amazing now that I think of it. My family Home
Evening Group had just won the Rick’s College lip-sync competition. I had been
interested in a young man in my group. We had gone out on one date, but now he
was a celebrity and I was being pushed out by his fame. I was feeling major rejection and my little sister was there to witness it. She then
asked the question that really helped. She asked why I was not going on a
mission. She said that I had always wanted to go and now I was old enough, so
why not. That question was a little hard to answer. I hadn’t told many people
that my Patriarchal blessing had stipulated that I needed to have the desire,
but the desire just wasn’t there. My extended family was very puzzled by it and
I remember my Father making sure they all knew that it was my decision to go
and to not pressure me. I know they were well intentioned and perhaps inspired
to because I was suppose to serve.
My Aunt Beverly shared with me a talk tape (I know she was
following the spirit in doing so), of a young man that had served a mission and an interesting
experience he had with a person that he had taught. He said that when the
elderly woman was baptized she was able to receive her patriarchal blessing
shortly after. She was told that she had to wait for a missionary that was
worthy to find her. She was also told the name of a missionary and that if he had accepted the call
to serve, she would have been baptized several
years earlier. I felt something strike my
heart with such great force when I heard that. I knew that God was teaching me
something important. It seemed to provide the missing piece in the dilemma and
the change in my heart was taking place. The reason why I had been feeling all
those feelings and promptings about a mission was because I knew my spirit had
been prepared for it. There were people waiting for me to serve. I felt
that I needed to pray and ask God.
I was a little nervous about asking, because asking meant that I
would have to then act on the answer I received. I was so nervous and I just
knelt beside my bed and I prayed. I said to God that I felt that I was
suppose to serve a mission, then I asked him if that was right. Wow did I get
the answer. It was so strong that it scared me to death. I was instantly trying
to get out of it to get rid of the feeling of panic. I opened the scriptures
and turned to the first verse that the scriptures opened to, because I heard
sometimes people did that to get answers. I read something like, wo be unto him
that seeketh for a sign. I said okay! Sorry I will go.
It took me three days to get the courage to tell my parents. I was
working for my Dad at the time and leaving the business would not be easy on my
Dad. I knew that I was doing a lot of work and that he would need to replace
me. I also knew that I would be hard to replace, because I was literally doing
the job of 3 people. But my Dad knew when I told him. He had been prepared for
it. He was even thinking of selling the business and my decision helped him
make his. What a whirlwind. I had my papers in two weeks, and the rest is as
they say “History.”
Now all these years later I am SO THANKFUL for all of those
who helped me make that important decision. I am thankful for all the prayers
on my behalf and for those who were brave enough to ask the important
questions. That decision has blessed my life more than any single decision I
have made ever since, because I believe that every other decision would not
have even been available to me without that decision. I was put on a course and
it led to me going to BYU, working at the MTC, Becoming a Seminary Teacher,
Going back for a Master’s at BYU, EFY, Education Week, and now to my family, my
Husband, Cici (his 1st wife who passed away from Cancer), their Boys, Daughter-in –law and my little boy. Wow what a
difference one decision can make. What opposition comes in when there is a
decision of such eternal importance! What amazing angelic people help along the
way. Thank you to all those who were part of those that helped me to arrive at
that decision, it felt like it took an army to get me there.
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