This post is dedicated to my Mia maid class and especially
Lacy Reese Sims for reminding me of an important part of the journey I took in
coming to my career in Seminary and Institutes.
The Way You Change
the World/Learn to Follow the Lord and Complete Your Earthly Mission
I believe that every person that comes to earth comes to
earth with a specific mission to accomplish. I believe that these missions are
as varied as the people who come to earth as well. I am not alone in this
thought. This is a common teaching of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. The belief specifically is that we lived before we came to earth and
that we have come here having forgotten that part of our existence to be tested
and proved faithful to God and our missions. I believe part of that mission for
me was the time I spent in teaching the gospel as a full-time seminary teacher
and I would like to share with you some of the important events that confirmed
that belief to me. I share this in hopes that you will find comfort when your
journey and mission takes you to places you never imagined and perhaps even
overwhelms you. I know that God lives and through Christ’s Atonement we can
gain all the strength to accept the responsibilities that come to us in this
life and have the power to accomplish all we have promised our Father in Heaven
we would do.
While I was young I was often afraid. I was afraid of the
dark, making mistakes, being too far away from my home and family, and loads of
other things. Fear was and always is the antithesis of faith and every
spiritual experience I had happened when I chose to challenge my fears and
inadequacies. One of the biggest steps I took was going on a mission and then
furthering my education. Both of those experiences helped to strengthen my faith
and encourage me. Part of exercising of our faith takes us living the life God
wants for us. I knew that I was doing that when I was going to school, but I
didn’t know what to do when I finished.
As mentioned in a previous post, A
Road less traveled/ My experience in coming to teach LDS Seminary full-time.
I felt I was guided by the Lord to go home. Little did I know the experiences
that were waiting for me. I say waiting because I believe this was an important
part of preparing for my mission, a divinely appointed opportunity. Upon
returning home I was immediately called to serve with the young women in my
home ward. I was a little nervous and hesitant. I felt bad about my teen years
because I hadn’t always lived in a way I felt was right. I was such a fearful
youth that it kept me from doing even good things that I knew would help
others. However, I felt the call was inspired and I accepted it. It brought so
much healing to my heart. It was like I was given a second chance to help those
who were important to me and who had helped me so much as a youth.
Mia maids, for all of you who don’t know, are 14 and 15
year-old teenage girls. I remember that time in my life as probably the most
awkward and hard, and that was the age group I was called to serve with. Seeing
that age through the eyes of the leader was incredibly healing. All I wanted
was to help them see what mattered most and to cheer them along. I loved
serving with Sheri. She was awesome and was the presidency member that I served
as a partner teacher with. She was a woman of faith and great integrity. After
all, that age was hard enough! I had never anticipated what good friends I
would find in these young women and how much I would come to love them. To this
day I consider them my friends and equals. They are so wonderful. I learned
that people are part of our mission here in this life. They matter to God and
he wants all of his children to remember who they are and how valuable they are
to Him. I was given a chance to assist in this effort and I am so glad I went
home so I could be a part of some amazing young women’s lives.
We are in Constant
Preparation to Return to God
At that time something bigger was happening, which
contemplating now I can see quite clearly. I have found that we are in a
constant state of preparation. Each stage in our life prepares us for the next
stage. God is gently leading us to be prepared to live with him again even when
it doesn’t feel gentle. He is a gentle and loving God. I felt I was sent home
out of punishment for not living the way I should have when I was younger. I
recognized later it was my own lack of confidence that Satan used against me to
intimidate me. What God was actually giving me was time to heal and to see more
clearly my life, the lives that I was affecting, as well as the impact that can
potentially happen for the world as the world accepts his gospel. I realized
that while I strived to be obedient, perfectionism was what I was living
because I needed to include the Lord in every aspect of my life. Trying to
become perfected without Him is perfectionism and a behavioral based life
perspective.
I began to heal from my perfectionist perspective as I
taught the gospel. Since I was training to teach seminary and teaching the
young women at the same time, it was easy to see how the curriculum was
different. The lessons that the young women were learning were good ways to
live, while in seminary they were learning about the foundational doctrine or reasons
for why they should live the way they were living. I didn’t even realize that
these different approaches were confusing for some young women and their
leaders until my first year as a full-time seminary teacher. There was a young
woman in my seminary class that affected me greatly. Since she doesn’t even
know this I will withhold her name just so that I do not divulge anything she
would be uncomfortable with. She raised questions for me that took me years to
get to the bottom of and felt like I could be helpful in some way. Her question,
“Why are women not as valued as the young men?” This young woman was the
president of her Laurel class, she was an accomplished student and she was so
wonderful in seminary. I quite simply was bothered by her question and it never
quite left me even though she graduated and moved on with her life.
I wondered, how can she feel that the Church teaches that?
Where did this thinking come from and why? What could I do to help her and all
the others who felt similarly? Years passed and I was growing in my gospel
knowledge and experience in teaching the youth. I found that my heaven sent
friend who helped me ponder more deeply about the education of the young women
in the Church was not alone in her thinking. It was at this time that I was
also part of a BYU Stake which chose to really emphasize the Atonement. Every
lesson we taught, every service we did, and every talk given was to tie back to
the Atonement. We were to see how the Atonement was both giving us our power
and direction. I was a part of this Stake for 3 years and I served in various
positions that allowed me access to my leaders on a regular basis. It was in
one of these moments that I saw my Stake President (someone who is called to
preside over several wards) and while he trained he said something that became
the next piece of the puzzle I was working on concerning the young women of the
Church. My Stake President told us that we are losing many of the young women
of the Church. I thought, Oh no. He then said that statistically we have never
lost so many. I asked him after the meeting and he explained more to me about
the issue. I was left with a determination to help in that dilemma.
God’s Ways are Higher
Than Ours
I had no idea what I was going to do but I did have a desire
to help and I was praying and seeking the Lord’s help always in my daily life.
I also felt that I was undergoing a change of heart that was requiring a new level of faith. I was being stripped of
all my doubts and fears about my personally worthiness and learning how Christ
was my Redeemer and Savior. This was a critical change that needed to take
place and I found that although I was changing things in my small area of influence,
namely my classroom, it didn’t feel like enough. At this time I felt that it
was the Lord’s direction that I would continue my education.
I had known for some time that there was a Master’s program
that involved the training of seminary teachers. This was a closed group and no
other applicant would be admitted to the program. I felt that I wanted to make
a difference and I knew I could if I had this particular education. I felt like
I wanted to get as much education as possible, as I had been counseled by my
patriarchal blessing. No one had to tell
me to go like when I obtained my undergraduate degree. My bishop had actually
been the Lord’s instrument that got me on the path, but now I felt more of a
solid footing in my faith and I could choose to go. When I prayed about the
decision it felt right. I was in a serious relationship that wasn’t going
anywhere for a while so I also felt comfortable that I wouldn’t be putting my
dating life on the back burner by doing so.
It was quite a process to apply. I needed all the faith and
strength I could get from the Lord’s Atonement to press through barriers that I
never did well with… TESTS! I had been advised by the ACT board that perhaps
college was not for me after scoring a very low score. Now the tests were
harder and the stakes were larger. I had to take a GRE test and write essays
and I felt the Lord help me through the whole process. I also was encouraged by
the scriptures that ensured that if I would bring a weakness to the Lord he
would make it a strength. Well, I was really getting in over my head because
reading and writing were always a difficult part of my schooling and now I was
applying for a degree that was reading and writing intensive. Luckily I had a
lot of desire and drive to do something of value and that and the Lord carried
me through the difficult times.
When the applications were in, I waited for a response but
nothing came. A co-worker who had also applied got his acceptance letter into
the program and could see my disappointment when I told him that I hadn’t heard
back. He was disturbed enough by my sorrow that he called the Area Director who
had recommended me for the program to find out what had happened. The Area
Director called BYU since he had recommended me and was told that I had been
accepted, but the letter must have been misdirected. I was so excited when my
Area director called to let me know. My colleague, who I would spend the next 3
years of my life trying to keep up with, was also excited for me. To this day I
am grateful for the priesthood holding men who handled my concerns with such
tenderness and helped me when I was too distraught to do things myself.
I was interviewed by those who had admitted me into the
program and I was told that I was the 2nd woman to be admitted to
this program. I felt keenly a responsibility to do whatever I could to further
assist my sisters in the Church and world with whatever I was learning. The
courses were so hard!! The work was demanding. I cried every day. I worked so
hard and prayed even harder. I was diligent and dutiful doing everything that
was asked of me. I literally had no other life than working and school. I
literally worked twelve hour days only reserving Sunday as a time which I
refrained from doing my work and I served in a calling then teaching the 5
year-old in primary. I tried to attend a few ward and family functions, but my
life was now owned by BYU. I even quit EFY for the time I was getting my
Master’s because I had literally no other time to devote to Church service. I
remember reading more books in a week than I had my whole life. I wrote a lot
and while my concepts were liked all my professors could see that my writing
needed a lot of help. I am sure they even questioned how I got into the
program. I even felt that some were bent on breaking me, and that was just the
first semester.
I hadn’t been in the program long when I was trying to
figure out what I would write my thesis on. I was a work driven, not brilliant,
individual so I knew I would need to develop a good thesis. I hadn’t put two and two together that I could
do something for the young women. Thankfully, I had a professor that would later
become my Area Director who believed that the young women’s curriculum could
use some help and perhaps my research could benefit them. Wow, that was it! I
could feel something. I started right away researching information, and I used
every class to write a chapter of my thesis using different areas that each
class focused on. All of the Professors started to rally around me and were SO
HELPFUL in bringing about this great work. I started by doing a doctrinal
analysis of the curriculum used by the young women program of the Church. It
didn’t take long to see that it was not a doctrinally based curriculum. I also
came to understand why my young friend who questioned her worth could have
developed this thought. The lessons didn’t teach that, but the implications
from a lack of doctrinal training for women in their vital roles didn’t help
the misunderstanding.
Every normal method of researching was showing that I would
need to go to the beginning of the Young Women’s curriculum to find out more
about its’ history. At the time, the General Young Women’s Presidency were
working on writing new curriculum and were not really interested in my
research, but they were also not opposed to my efforts to research and write.
One year would pass and the Church’s efforts to get a new curriculum to pass
failed. There was also a change in the General Relief Society Presidency
itself. It became necessary for me to work more directly with them. I was
already accustomed to doing things a different way, and so I wasn’t too ruffled
when some professors were worried that the research would not be welcomed. I
found that there was a little bit of mistrust that needed to be overcome, but
when the young women department looked at my thesis committee, who was Robert
Millet, Brent Top, and Camille Fronk Olsen, a former General Board member their
interest in my project became more substantial.
It was no small miracle that some of the busiest people at
BYU, and who were also well known to the Church, had agreed to be on my thesis
Committee. I even chose Robert Millet to led the charge. My Classmates thought
I was crazy because they would be such academic excellence required of me. They
thought I should pick someone that would be easier on me. I had learned long
ago that it was the hard teachers that taught the most and I was not satisfied
with less. Brother Millet was perfect for the assignment; I couldn’t even say I
chose him. I felt the spirit direct me to him because he was motivated by his
experiences as a Religious Educator and as a Leadership Roles in the Church
that something needed to change in how the young women were being taught. He
also felt that the young women of the Church needed to be more doctrinally
prepared for their role in the world. I felt so blessed to have their backing.
This made it much easier to get help. I also had some connections with the
Church Curriculum Department; two of my former colleagues were now a part of
that. Interviews with them also helped me get the direction I needed for my
thesis. I knew these individuals were not in their position by accident, but
rather by God’s grand design and my knowing them was part of His plan. The work
of God is never frustrated. He sets up perfectly the outcome He desires, we
only need the faith to trust it, and trust His timing.
It Takes People Inspired
by God and Working for the Same Goal to Bring About Change and Miracles
Though I wasn’t very graceful about it, I got the 4 branches
of the Church’s departments to work together. I had leaders from Seminary and
Institutes backing me, I had the Church Curriculum Department helping, I had
the best minds BYU had to offer helping, and I had the General Young Women
department offering feedback and help. My thesis became the first known time
that all of these departments were used together on the same goal. At least
that is what I was told by my leaders in my employment. I knew them all and
their noble intentions to help the young women, but they did not know each
other. My work helped to open those doors. One day Ann Dibb, 2nd
Counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency, called me at work. Her
question was that the seminary program had always seemed like their own
organization that functioned independently of the “other church departments.”
She didn’t know if it was possible to ask them for help. I told her
confidently, since I knew of their honest intent, “Sister Dibb you can have
whatever you ask for.” She thanked me and we ended our conversation. I was
thinking to myself after, “Sister Dibb just called me?” I also had a great deal
of opposition to deal with. Later, great changes came as the wall of CES came
down and it was no longer viewed as a separate entity. They were unified with every
other department. I could feel of the importance of the work and the hand of
the Lord guiding me in this effort. Satan was also constantly fighting my
efforts.
It seemed like every facet of my life was under attack. I
was audited by the IRS twice, lost months of work from computer issues (I
actually went through 4 hard drives during my thesis. I saw this as much more
than back luck.) I broke up with my fiancé, had the home I was living in sold
out from under us, and not to mention, troubles with friends and family. If
there was a weak spot, it was hit. I was also having more trouble with my
health. I was diagnosed with early stages of skin cancer, had my foot operated
on, saw an acupuncturist every week for the stress and chronic illness I was
battling. Then when things were improving, I was bit by a hobo spider 6 times
on my ankle and had my education put in jeopardy. My short term memory was
affected as well as my stamina. I had to learn new study methods which would
take information I was learning and store it directly into long-term memory. I
cut more of my extracurricular activities out. The one that hurt the most was
HumorU, the stand-up comedy club that I had helped to set up at BYU. There were
no other options. I had to concentrate all the available energy I had in
completing my thesis. I felt God guide me through it all and give me whatever
help I needed to succeed, including wonderful editors.
I was finding information that I hoped would be helpful,
although I didn’t get as much encouragement from it in an earthly setting, I
did get a lot of encouragement in a heavenly way. I had experiences with heaven
and most are too scared to relate in this setting, but I will tell you this:
The Lord was leading this work and I was given all the help I needed through priesthood
blessings from my brother and cousin, and from an unlikely source my students
were incredible. I was starting to recognize that I would break under the
weight of opposition that I was feeling. I was climbing the ever so long
staircase that led to my class feeling very weighed down. I was feeling sorrow
for the loss of my dreams, then all of a sudden to my mind came these words, “Dare
to do right, dare to be true. You have a work that no other can do.” This line
from a simple primary song, Dare to do
Right, became my anthem.
Still I had to work
under these conditions. I felt driven by the spirit to press forward at all
hazards. No one but God knew exactly what I was going through. The weight of my
daily responsibilities began to injure my health and I was being advised by competent
medical professionals to abandon my cause or lose my health. Almost every day I
was required to teach my seminary students and my primary class on Sunday. I felt
inspired to share my burdens with some and it began to help. I told the Executive
Secretary, (a man that makes appointments for the Bishop) that I didn’t think I
would be able to accept the calling they were considering for me because of
what I was doing in my thesis work. When the Bishopric learned of my struggle
they checked up on me weekly to see if I needed anything. They were keenly
aware that I had no priesthood holder in my home so they made sure I had access
to any priesthood support that was needed. This added support and love made me
feel so much better.
I also felt inspired to share with my seminary students my
struggles and how I needed their patience, prayers and understanding. They did
even better, they prayed for me and doors that were closed opened. WOW I NEEDED
THEIR FAITH! Some of the young ladies in my class came to me and told me of
their struggle with the Sunday lessons in young women’s and their hope that my
project would be helpful brought them great peace. This was incredibly
motivating to me. My primary class, with their pure and tender hearts, was
rejuvenating to spend time with. I was able to get my thesis completed and I
felt that feeling again that people matter, they are part of the mission. Including
others in our struggle is an opportunity for them and for us to come closer to
God. What a tender mercy of the Lord’s Atonement. The Lord does strengthen us
through the kindness and faith of others. While it would have been much easier
for me to get a little time off of work to work on my thesis, my Father in
Heaven knew that it was in the His service that I would get all the strength I
needed.
I presented my thesis to my committee and it passed with
some minor revisions that needed to be made. I handed my work over to the Young Women
Department. Sister Cook had told me at one time that I had come into the kingdom
for such a time as this. At this time she also said that while she didn’t know
how I would be a part of the creation of new curriculum she assured me that I
would be a part of it. I presented my thesis to a world-wide broadcast of CES
teachers in a research forum, and bought a house.
You are Never
Finished With Your “Mission” When You Finish A Project
My work with young women didn’t end there. I thought it
ironic that the same position that I was being considered for in my previous ward
was the first calling I had in my new ward. This emphasized for me that there
was a time and season for everything. Next, and not a year later, I was called
to serve as the Young Women President in this ward. I literally had a crisis of
faith knowing that I would be asked to teach from the very manuals that I had
come to know were insufficient for the needs of the young women. Lucky for me,
I found an out in the counsel given in the curriculum: I could have material
approved by my priesthood leaders to meet the needs of my class. I didn’t want
to throw out the manual, in fact I used it for activities that we had during
the week. I explained my concerns with my Bishop and he was quick to get the
revelation that some of the less spiritual lessons were appropriate to move to
a weekday activity and I was free to submit lessons that I would like to
replace them. I worked an entire weekend on developing lessons on Faith,
Repentance, and the Atonement as well as a few other gospel doctrines that
would be submitted. He approved the lessons and now it was up to the teachers
to pray and get their direction. It took some persuasion because it was not the
normal way of dealing with things. Those who were working with the young women
were incredible and I believe those young women were given the best the leaders
had in faith, testimony, and teaching.
I was married when I served as the young women’s President and
soon the ward would split. I was now part
of a new ward and away from the young women that I again saw as my friends. I
then moved to South Jordan as was given a calling to help better prepare the
youth that were leaving for college and missions. I was part of the first group
of Sunday school teachers to teach the new curriculum that had been developed
as I served in the Young Women Presidency. The New “Come Follow Me” curriculum
made me cry tears of joy. It seemed to be exactly what I had imagined a perfect
curriculum to be and even better! The updatable format using the technology of
the computer hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was so excited and overcome that I
emailed Sister Cook with my congratulations and thanks. She responded with joy
and excitement and thanked me for my help. She readily recognized the
contribution of so many others and the Lord.
I was so humbled to know that I had actually been helpful.
During our Graduation Ceremony held in our college a year after I had graduated
I felt confirmed to my heart that I had completed an assignment that I was sent
on earth to do. I felt so thankful that the Lord helped through all the
difficulty and that everything had transpired according to his grand design. I
was just glad I could do my part. God really does use the weak and simple to do
his work.
When I was called to serve in the Relief Society Presidency,
I saw a visitor to the ward that I wanted to talk to. I had seen her a few
times and recognized her as a sister to one of our ward members. I had also
learned that she taught seminary. She was actually a Seminary Principal. I was
able to talk to her in the hall for a minute and I told her that I had taught
seminary too. We had fun chatting about our common service when she thought I
looked really familiar. We had served in different areas so we knew we hadn’t
seen each other in meetings. I then thought of everything I could in which we
could have crossed paths. I told him that I had presented my thesis at a forum
and her eyes began to light up. I told her the name of my thesis a, Doctrinal
and Historical analysis of the Young Women Education in The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints”. She said, “You are my Hero!” I share this only
because I was completely surprised by it. She then explained that my work had
become pivotal in the change of curriculum for “Come Follow Me.” I had known
that my thesis was used to train the newly called Board members in the General
Young Women’s Program, and that it was looked at by curriculum writers because
Sister Cook told me of the training. My old roommate’s mother had been a writer
on the committee and said that she had worked with my thesis. I had never known
the significance, nor had time to think about it. I am grateful for our
meeting, not because it is a great meeting to stroke my ego, but because it was
a confirming witness that I had accomplished that work and that it helped. I
knew that my work, as well as so many others helped the Lord in His work. I
know that when we follow the spirit miracles happen, even if we not always
entirely aware of the outcome. Following the spirit is our opportunity to work
in the grace of the Lord, to live in the power of the Atonement; there is
literally no better feeling.
I am thankful for a chance to record these feelings and
events as my life has taken such a turn and I care full-time for my toddler and
seek to help my family in whatever way I can. I want my children to know that
they can do hard things, and that if they follow the Spirit’s direction they
will be able to accomplish what they came to earth to do. I know that only God
knows each of our missions and what we are to accomplish. I know that coming to
know Him and feel Him directing our lives is the greatest experience of
mortality. He has led me to wonderful people and friends who I will cherish
forever. Thank you Lacy! Thank you for reminding me of that wonderful and
sacred time of working in the Young Women’s group. I wanted you to know how
important that was to me. It was the foundation for a work I didn’t even know I
would do. Thank you to all my young women that I love and know I consider you
dear friends forever.
