An Answer to Elder Perry’s Great Question/Christmas Eve at
the Roof
I have never been a person that is at a loss for words, and
quite frankly neither is my husband. Yet, on Christmas Eve 2011 we were both at
a loss to express what was in our hearts when Elder Perry, (A member of the
Quorum of Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and who
must have the same Christmas Eve tradition of eating at the Roof restaurant at
Temple Square) posed the question, “How did you get these two here?” His wife
must have sensed there was more to our little dinner than a happy holiday
tradition and promptly put her elbow in his side, I assume to let him know he
was prying. I had such a feeling of love in my heart and was so close to tears
that not a word escaped my lips. My husband’s quick wit kicked in and he said, “Food.”
It is good food and his answer helped to lessen the awkwardness of the moment,
but I felt a twinge of regret in not being emotionally able to express my
gratitude to those fine young men and my wonderful husband. Lucky for me they
are a lot easier to run into during the day than Elder L. Tom Perry and I can
make up for that moment with this post.
I can understand what a curious sight we must have been. It
must have been a little puzzling for anyone who saw our family mournful on a
Christmas Eve. We bore no resemblance at all to the typical family. My husband’s
first wife was from Taiwan and had passed away earlier that year, and he had
married me near the close of the year. Her 2 sons bear her resemblance. Here we were, two very Caucasian parents with two
handsome Amer-Asian young adult men.
The night was so still, quiet, and solemn. Guy and I sought to make the evening about
remember the boy’s mother. We dressed up in her honor and quietly all drove
together to a wonderful dinner. Reflecting back on this I see things a little
more clearly. I am so grateful for their reverent conduct and for their loving
acceptance of me. I know it couldn’t have been easy for them to see their
father remarry, let alone the same year their mother passed away. Yet they
exhibited noble character. If they had any hard feelings they kept
them in their heart and acted with great kindness. That to me is the definition
of nobility. I am still in awe of how they treated me.
I too felt keenly of Cici’s loss and found it difficult to
hold back tears because her death made it possible for me to join this
wonderful family of noble men. She had been my friend and I mourned her death
too, in saying this I do not pretend to know the depth of my Husband pain or Cici’s
sons sorrow. I had known their mother for years and you can read all about how
Guy and I’s story came about in: The Less Loved Wife? I wish now to concentrate on the miracle of my first Christmas
in this wonderful family, and to better answer that question posed by an
Apostle of the Lord.
So what would have I said to Elder Perry’s question, “How
did you get these two here”? I wish I
could have said had my emotions and intelligence would have allowed, is this:
These great young men lost their Mom this year, she had cancer. The older son
quit his job to help with the family business during her illness, and the
younger son was serving as a full-time missionary in Taiwan at the time of her
diagnosis as well as passing. He just returned home. Tonight we are here to
honor her Christmas tradition and memory. I am his, (pointing to my new
husband) new wife and his first wife’s friend. I have waited years for the
opportunity to be a part of an eternal family and this is way more than I ever
anticipated. More in the sense of blessings, heartache, and a lot more required
of me in assisting my grieving family than I feel confident doing. My sweet
husband followed the Lord and married again when his heart was broken. The
timing of his effort to win my affection came when I needed him most. These
honorable young men have been nothing but kind and polite to me in their heartache
and I love them so much for it. I cannot express in words my feelings of
gratitude to my Heavenly Father and my Savior who have made this moment
possible and for healing which can happen no matter the ache. I know God lives
and these young men came here tonight of their own free will, no one could ask
for a better Christmas in such difficult circumstances. So you see our hearts
our full and we are all doing our best.
You may think that this answer may provoke a response from
the questioner of regretting having asked such a question. Or maybe you think I
am trying to teach him a lesson. I have no other intent in this response than
to sincerely express what happen in that sweet and tender moment before the
moment fades in my memory. I am also confident that sharing your heart
sincerely with and Apostle when they ask such a great question is always acceptable.
Apostles of the Lord often here tender stories of faith. They work among the
children of men daily for the Lord and seek to do nothing but his will. While I
know they readily admit to human error I have never known more Christ-like men.
I wish I could have at the time shown my faith and trust in Elder Perry and the
position he holds in actually answering his question. I suppose he will never
hear the answer to his question personally, the timing may never be right
again, but I am so thankful he asked it. The pondering of it has made all the
difference this Christmas.
Years have passed and our family has been joined by another
son and we are preparing to again go to the Roof restaurant on Christmas Eve. In
preparing to go I can’t help but reflect back to that first tender Christmas
Eve. We have had more dinners and with
each one the happiness increases. I know that no matter how difficult the
holidays can be in our losses and sorrow there is hope and happiness ahead.
While the holidays seem to be the time we feel more keenly the losses of our
heart, I see them now as an opportunity to reflect more on that one great
sacrifice of the Savior of the world for us. I know that these losses are only
making room in our hearts for the Savior tender kindness to enter. I know that
Christ is the miracle of Christmas. Allowing Him in and remembering all He has
done for us makes Christmas the most wonderful time of the year.
Merry Christmas everyone,
Andrea
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