Women of My Past have
Brightened My Future
I had just finished laundry day which consisted of 7 loads
of laundry while trying to keep my 2 year-old busy while starting a day of
baking bread and cleaning floors. While I was busy doing the work of the home
and mothering I had a sweet feeling come to my heart. The feeling came because
I was pondered upon admiring the lessons of my family that have come before me.
I have cherished their examples, and learning from their lives has helped to
make my life a little better. I did laugh a bit as well, not in a mocking way,
but in an I am so grateful it is not as
hard for me….thanks for the good example way.
I have learned from my Great-grandmother Alice Paul that
splitting the work of the home into a schedule for the days of the week helps
things to get all the important things accomplished while providing a little
different environment for “Mom.” I have loved practicing this because it breaks
up the monotony that homemaking can have and provides a refreshing feeling. I
have learned from my Grandma Matthews that Sunday dinners are with family, especially
those that have grown up and having families of their own, is a great way to
stay connect and keep a positive influence on children. I have learned from my
Aunt Tonya that you should always carry gum and candy in your purse to help
children that are having a hard time staying still and need a little incentive.
I love being a good aunt and it was Aunt Tonya that helped me see how valuable
that role was. She gave me a lot more than gum she gave me herself. Then there
was my sweet Grammy who lived down the street, she made me feel awesome, always
saying how marvelous and wonderful everything I tried to accomplish was. These
women were there for me when I needed them.
All these wonderful women gave me themselves. I have seen
many while voicing their personal philosophies of life have made a mistake at
wanting to totally divorce them from the past and take part only taking part of
the thrills that life in our modern day conveniences presents. I don’t think we
need to cut out the lessons from the past to enjoy the thrills of our modern
lives. I think you can live in the “present” with the memories and lessons from
the past guiding you into a wiser and better future. I believe and know we can
have the best of both worlds.
The Past Teaches Us
That Meal-Time Should be Sacred
There was a lot to be admired about the quieter life of
1800’s and 1900’s and even the 1950’s and 60’s when my mother grew up. Of
course my experience with that time is largely stories, journal entries, and
media; they all have a common simplicity. I feel like taking the liberty of
being iconic in my reflection…I am not naive to the reality that not everything
was wonderful about that time and for everything I say someone can say the
opposite. My goal is not to debate what was true about the time, but to focus
on what good has happened then that the world needs now. Progress for the sake
of progress sometimes forgets to value the things that don’t need to change.
Some of those wonderful things were great home cooked meals, and a dinner time
that was sacred to the family. That time was guarded against all other
activities. My Husband grew up in the 60’s and he said that if someone came
over during dinner they were invited to either eat with them or wait for them
in the living room until they were finished. Not a bad idea. I have decided to
do a little better with my own little family. We hold regular family meals with
our grown children and we make an effort to keep those times with the sacred.
We don’t allow even other things to take priority on those days.
Meal time in my family of origin was a time accompanied with
laughter and stories of the day. I loved the feeling of it and didn’t mind the
food either. My sister often jokes that I don’t have a memory that doesn’t
involve food. So I think there might be something to eating meals as a family.
Go back even further than the 50’s and you will find that the good things that
existed in the 50’s existed then. So while I may wear a really cool apron and I
like wearing pearls, which is iconic 50’s I love wearing my jeans with the
jeweled pockets. I know those women liked their high heels and dresses, but
let’s face it there is a time and a place for dressing up. I love to dress up,
but I also like my sketcher tennis shoes with memory foam soles. Oh Ya…those
shoes are the best! My feet feel great at the end of the day and that makes
life all the easier when you are raising children when you are pushing 40. Trust me these little comforts are crucial
not just nice. While I value the past I relish the improvements of the day.
I find that finding the best way to raise and nurture my family takes both.
Technology and the
Advancements in Our Society has Made Motherhood Better and Homemaking More Enjoyable
While I have personally found numerous connections with the
past that enrich my life I find also myself at the same time being so thankful
for a washing machine and dryer that makes my work with laundry much more
enjoyable. Not to mention a blue ray player and my favorite musicals that I can
watch while folding all of those blessings. I love being able to bake bread and
listen to the prophets and apostles on lds.org and keep up on all the amazing
things the Church is doing in the world. I love that I, a woman, was able to go
to school and learn just like the men. I love that while I worked
professionally in a career I was given the privilege to work for those that
believed in equal treatment for men and women in the workforce. I was offered
every opportunity I desired. I am grateful that my husband who gives me the
luxury of being able to stay at home and raise our little boy. I love being a
Mom and having my own little boy that sometimes needs a little candy as an
incentive to take really horrible tasting medicine, (ya…. this isn’t the
medicine the store make that taste like candy, but the good old fashioned
herbal remedies passed down for thousands of years by the Chinese. That is what
you get when your Dad is a Chinese Medicine Dr.) A spoonful of sugar really
does help the medicine go down.
In addition to all of these advancement the world today
provides I am especially grateful for the medical advancements that not only
made it possible for me to survive a c-section while suffering from 3 chronic illnesses,
but also gave my baby a chance to survive a breach delivery when there was no
possible way to turn him. We truly live in a world that we can have the best of
everything if we’re willing to pay the price that takes. We no longer have the
overwhelming burdens of those who lived without our technological advancements.
The number of women who died in child birth in the years preceding these
advancements was huge. Just from my limited knowledge and research it was
amazing to see that issue; this was a huge reason why Brigham Young called
women to attend medical school and bring that knowledge back to Utah in order
to save the lives of so many mothers who died untimely deaths.
The Influence of
Loving Parents Cannot Be Measured
While we have access to longer and healthier lives we still
need the guidance that loving, educated parents provide best. Children thrive
in environments where they are loved and they need guidance from those who love
them most. I believe that children are entitled to be born in a home where
there is a father and a mother. I don’t wish to cause offense to those who are
unable or don’t want to have this belief of our faith. I only desire the
ability to share without apology what beliefs have been so valuable to me and
millions of others. To those of the LDS faith and I am sure others who believe
similarly the family as instituted by God truth is unending. Men are wonderful,
and they provide unique perspectives and training for children. Mother’s are
priceless in their ability to nurture and influence the next generation. I am
the first to readily admit that there is an overlap in responsibilities, but I
have witnessed something almost magical in what the child learns from good men
and women in the home and this of course is carried over to society. I know
enough of statistics and those who love to argue that would say that good
parents can raise a child who chooses to leave this “good” way of life, but I
believe that is a mute point because regardless of the child’s choices my actions
must always be the loving and nurturing parent. If a child chooses to rebel I
would like to have the peace of conscience that comes from trying to show them
a better way.
In my study on the family I saw that Moms and Dads were more
accessible to their children and were involved in their education. I won’t lie
to you and dress up the fact that children are often sacrificed for success. I
taught thousands of youth and I saw a common heartache among them, absent
parents. I’m not just talking about not being able to be to the occasional game
and activity I am talking about really absent. Absent from what is happening at
school, with friends, and even to hear their dreams. It was amazing to me that
these teenagers who were often given the bad reputation of not listening to parents
and being rebellious were so aching for love and guidance.
I will tell something to you about a situation that still
touches my heart today. I had a wonderful student who I just loved. I saw the
good in him and when I learned about his struggles I admired him all the more.
His father was in prison his mother a drug addict and he was under the custody
of his grandparents. I was sorry I only had him in my class for a semester. I
saw how much this kid needed my interest and parental like love and approval. We
were limited in how we could show love and interact with our students as
seminary teachers. We were definitely not supposed to hug our students, but
that day he ran up to me in front of his peers and my faculty to get a hug…and
I hugged him right back. My principal teased me a bit but that was the end of
it. My whole faculty knew me and my character and some knew the young man, and
all of those good and loving fathers could see how much that young man needed a
hug. I wish I could tell him I still remember him and that day. Due to faulty
human memory I can’t remember his name, but I know “Someone” who does remember everything
him. Not just his heartaches but his noble character and who he was before he
came to earth, what he promised to do while he was here on earth and his
eventual salvation with Him in the kingdom of God. I hope that in my faulty
efforts as a teacher that somehow I reached him and helped him learn of the
Love of his Heavenly parents and a Savior that gave his life for him. I long
for the days where a person’s character was more valued than their potential
ability to make money for companies and extravagant lifestyles.
I will be forever grateful for my mother who put off those
things that would have taken her out of the home while we were there and gave
us all she had. I will also be grateful for a father who employed all of his children
and provided a way for us to be with him and a wonderful Uncle during our
teenage and early adulthood. There were lessons that happened because we were
given opportunities to grow within the safety of those who loved and protected
us. I remember one time my Uncle Herman being very protective of me when a
customer began to show interest in me. He was concerned about the character of
that individual and helped me see that it was important to consider those
things before I accepted dates. I remember working with my Father and how he
humbly showed me how to forgive those that had been dishonest and taken items
from our store. I remember always being able to talk to my mother about
whatever was bothering me and she listened. All of these blessings and lessons
that shaped me into the person I am today are because my parents saw something
good about how things were done in the past and they incorporated it into our
family. While we needed to make adaptations and I wasn’t working full-time on a
farm like my Dad did with his family I did work with my family and it has
helped us to remain close today.
I would love to see the days return that are fading in the
memories and minds of those still blessed to be with us in this mortal life.
Memories that reflect what I see depicted in a movies or books where there was
an expectation to read from the good book, the bible, and to live your life
according to what you were reading. There are so many wonderful advancements in
our world and technology is bringing about such wonderful improvements in life,
yet there are miracles and wonderful time honored treasures that never change.
The pure gospel of Jesus Christ is simply the most important advancement to the
treatment of individuals and governance of nations. The only one who has the
kind of power to change our world and bring the much desired hope of world
peace is the Peace Giver even the Savior Jesus Christ. In all of my study of
history and the pursuing of women’s journals during the early days of the
Church I have seen a common link. We are linked by our faith in Christ and his
gospel and the home. If we do our best to find from our own histories those
lessons that will improve our present circumstances and share those with others
I know that little by little there will be positive changes not just to our own
lives but the lives of those we love, our community and the world.
